n the past, I’ve tried every logistical strategy to make the time change easier. I tried adjusting bedtime by ten minutes every night. I tried staying up later to make me tired enough to fall asleep earlier.

None of these strategies was ever a surefire bet. Honestly, it sometimes just felt like dumb luck when they would work or not. I'll never forget the time I realized I’d worked super diligently to adjust our bedtimes, only to screw them up two weeks later when we spent a week in a time zone three hours ahead of ours!

Now that I have an EMPOWERED plate, I feel in control of my day, no matter what else is going on around me. This time change is POWERLESS to affect me; it's like water rolling off a duck’s back.

This morning, my family was SO tired from the time change—but we did great! Despite all that should have stressed me out, like dragging myself and my son out of bed a whole hour earlier after a night of all of us feeling wide awake for hours past normal bedtime, NONE OF THAT stood in my way this morning.

That’s because I was fueled up. My soul was fed. And I was fired up—not burnt out.

I didn’t yell. I didn’t lose my temper. I didn’t utter one unkind, grumpy word through my sleepy state. Usually, it’s those of us in charge, running the show, who are at the greatest risk of losing our cool before we’ve even gotten out the door (“For the 5th time, just put your shoes on or no dessert tonight!!”).

Sure, our kids might melt down at the sight of slightly overcrisped toast for breakfast. But when I’m fueled up, it’s like I can access this invisible supply of more time, energy, and support, and I can handle anything! When I’m starting the day feeling depleted… well, let’s just say it’s a lose-lose scenario for everybody.

I know it doesn't seem like 10 minutes of listening to a simple audio MP3 can save my whole day, but taking a few fast minutes to regulate my nervous system changes the game. It takes the unnecessary, unpleasant, and unhelpful things I don’t want OFF my plate so I can make room for what I DO want.

Stop trying to get more done with less energy. Start getting MORE with LESS EFFORT.

If you’re feeling behind from that one less hour yesterday, tired from how it threw off your routine, or wishing that you didn’t feel set up for failure by things out of your control—like a clock—listen to our simple energy clearing. It’s fast, it’s free, and it INSTANTLY gets you back to feeling calm, cool, and in control of your plate.

Get some more helpful tips:

This quick read:

- How to Beat Holiday Burnout with the "3 Things Rule" for Parents

Related podcast episodes (available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts):

- Season 2, Episode 13 - The "Ber" Months: How to Survive the Holiday Rush Without Burning Out

- Season 1, Episode 11 - Family Vacations (and how to survive them)

YouTube watch:

- Not a Mom Fail (Christmas Version)

Shame, guilt, and the “what if” questions go so much deeper than the mistake that sparks them. They make us question our identity. They lead to the big bold questions of, “Am I a good parent? Am I an irresponsible mom? Am I a bad mom?” I gotta tell you, I don’t think there could be a worse set of questions when it comes to me and my identity. That’s because becoming a mom is the one and only thing I’ve always known I’ve wanted. More than that, I wanted to be a good mother. To have any threats to my ability to actualize that destiny felt like a threat to my entire existence. The thought alone of not being a good mom felt more dangerous and damaging than any other self doubt ever could.

The “what if” voice doesn’t need a fight, it just needs to be heard. You have to respect it. You have to address it. You have to hear it out.

It wasn’t until the worst happened (the biking accident with my son) that I had a chance to embrace this new reframe that could finally bring me peace. Here is the 2-step tool I used to change the “what if’s” to something better...

In this video, I walk you through the exact 2-step process I used to finally find peace from my inner critic.

As I explain in the video, the solution isn't to fight the bear, it's to hear it out. That’s the first part of my 2-step framework to stop the “what if” spiral and quiet my inner critic.

Why are these emotions coming up? Fear and shame and guilt... They're not ill-meaning. They're actually trying to protect us, to help us.

It’s like when our kids are trying their best to tell us what is bothering them, but they’re struggling to find the words and even figure out their own emotions. We have to read in between the lines (sometimes between outbursts, sobs, and thrown limbs… it’s not easy having big emotions). While our adult reactions might be a bit more subdued, we still have to decode our emotional reactions so we can hear what our emotions want to tell us. So when fear and shame come up, we have to hear them out: “What's bothering you, Guilt? What is it you’re scared might happen, Fear? What do you want me to hear, Worry?”

And just like a young child who finally feels understood about what's bothering them, who was able to let out all that big energy and emotion, there's this wave of relief that comes from hearing your own emotions out fully and completely. It’s then that you can actually do some reasoning. Then you can do some problem solving.

Encountering the metaphorical 'bear in the woods' as a parent is something I explore deeply in my personal story about my bike accident with my son. If this post resonated with you, and you want to stop those “What if” questions once and for all, I invite you to listen to the full Bike Story Mini-series on our podcast. You can start with the first episode, From "Mom Guilt" to "Mom Badassery" right here.

Happy today everyone! Last time I talked about an important mindset shift for survival holiday chaos: being the anchor for your family instead of the cruise director. And as helpful as that mindset shift has been for me, it’s only part of the puzzle for riding the waves without loosing my cool. Today we’re looking at the game plan for how to stay anchored when the ship hits the sugar-fueled storm…

(remember, it doesn’t have to be a perfect Halloween in order to be pretty darn good)

Sometimes the worst parenting power struggles happen after Halloween—all those fights about the candy. So instead of getting into that tug of war, let's drop the rope before the struggle even happens. The best way to do this is to have a simple, collaborative, and pre-communicated plan before trick-or-treating even starts.

And the most important thing to remember in making a plan is that you are the most qualified person to make one for your family. Just because the family down the street has one plan for managing Halloween candy doesn't mean that same plan is going to work for your family. I have a kid who once discovered orange juice in the fridge, thought it was amazing, and snuck into the back bathroom to wedge himself between the toilet and the wall to drink it all. Needless to say, free-range access to the candy bowl probably isn't going to work for my family, and that's okay.

Decide what sounds like it might work for you and give it a try. The way you can make it more successful is simply by talking about it beforehand. Kids like to know what to expect, and if there are any opportunities where you can collaborate with them, they're going to have that much more buy-in, which is the key to preventing tantrums and meltdowns. Find places they can make a choice, even a choice as small as, "Hey, if I give you a candy in your lunchbox tomorrow, would you like a chocolatey candy or a fruity candy?" That can go such a long way.

This is my favorite tip by far. The best thing about savoring holiday fun is that you don’t have to strictly follow the calendar. There are no Halloween police that come into your house on November 1st saying, “Alright, time to clear all this spooky stuff out - no more ghosts and candy corn, we gotta get ready for the next things!!”

I have a friend who used to live in Leavenworth, WA - a small touristy town that looks like a magical Bavarian village. They go all out at Christmas time and it draws in a huge holiday crowd from all over the state. But what my friend loves to point out is that the beautiful lights and festivities keep going (and are just as beautiful) after Christmas up until New Years.

There are no rules saying you have to do all of the Halloween stuff before Oct. 31st - you are allowed to slow down before the holiday and give yourself time afterwards to do some of the fun and special things you might not have time or energy to do beforehand. Why jam them all together when you can slow down and savor them instead?

This applies to all kinds of holiday overwhelm and expectations for things we want to do during a certain holiday, but run out of time (I wrote about capturing this treasured memento after Christmas one year in this old newsletter… it still makes my heart sing ever year I unpack it, I’m so glad I didn’t let the calendar keep me from missing out on this!) 

Didn’t get to watch Hocus Pocus or make that crescent roll mummy hot dog dinner that your mom used to make you when you were a kid? Plan a mid-November family movie night - it’ll still be fun, and it’s a perfect way to reduce holiday stress by spreading it out.

This is especially easy when you’ve got young children. They literally have no concept of what day it is. For years we’ve held Christmas on days other than Dec. 25th so we could celebrate with family (my kid was none the wiser, not that he would have cared at that age). To me it’s no different than waiting until the weekend after a birthday to hold a birthday party, something that’s pretty widely accepted.

My mom lovingly teases me about being "the cruise director," which is a dead-on label for me. I'm a Maximizer, an Enneagram Seven, a lover of possibilities, even a recovering perfectionist - I don't want to miss out on anything. I want to do all of the fun things, and I constantly have to face my fear of FOMO and call it into check.

But here's what I've learned about cruise directors: that role is appropriate for a big ship with thousands of people to please at different times. And it is a paid position; they are not curating fun and fulfillment for themselves, they are planning it for everyone around them.

It's not an appropriate role for guiding our families. Because guess what? Even though you're a mom, you're still part of the family. Your needs matter along with everyone else’s, and you get to have some fun along the way too.

So let's shift from being the cruise director to the ship's anchor.

The cruise director parent feels responsible for manufacturing fun, for managing everybody's emotions, and ensuring a perfect experience. That's exhausting, and impossible.

The anchor's only job is to be a calm, steady presence for the family. It’s what guides the back to normal when the waves of sugar and excitement get a little too rocky this week.

I’ll warn you though, this mindset shift is only going to work for you if you take some of those cruise director expectations off your plate first (you’ve heard Felicia and I say this before, you have to remove in order to improve). Take a look at your expectations for Halloween this year… where is there room to take something off of your plate?

Can the cupcakes you were supposed to bring to school be store-bought instead of homemade? Does the porch really have to look Pinterest-perfect? Does that costume really need those extra special touches that are going to require you putting in hours more work into it, or does your kid already think it's plenty cool as it is?

Removing just one "should" from your plate can give you back the time, energy, and focus you need become that anchor. When it feels rocky and chaotic this week, try to take a moment and think back to some of the things you’ve already rocked this month, and the things that are working out “good enough” for the kids to have a good time… and know that you’ve got this.